Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Why Do Women Tear Each Other Down?

Okay, so this post is a little whiny and heavy so if you aren't in the mood for it, visit me another day and I promise it will be back to fun and light!  You've been warned. 

I know I'm extremely new to this pregnancy thing and I'm in for lots of strangers offering unsolicited advice and belly touching, but I've been a little taken aback by some of the reactions I've received from my pregnancy news by women.  I must have skipped this chapter in the pregnancy books.   

So it's either:
a.)  Me...I'm a fat cow.  Let's just start calling me Fat Chelsea (yes, I referenced Pitch Perfect)
b.)  The people I encounter on a day to day basis are mean
c.)  Women are too hard on each other in this world
d.)  All of the above
Does my mini quiz make you think of Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn?  If not, go read it!

My coworkers learned of my pregnancy between 1-2 weeks ago.  I would never have told everyone so early, but I do work with family so everyone got a little overexcited and the news spread like wild fire.  I've received lots of congratulatory emails and hugs, but some were accompanied with a little side of mean:

Example 1:  "Congratulations!  We all were talking about you recently and how we thought you were pregnant because you've been looking a lot rounder lately."

Example 2:  "Congratulations!"  Followed by belly rubbing...which I'm sorry, but at only 8 weeks you are simply rubbing my fat and bloated stomach!

Example 3:  "You're pregnant?!  So that's why you looked like sh*t on Friday." 

Example 4:  "I was wondering because you looked horrible last week." 

Example 5:  "I could tell weeks ago.  Your face is so much fuller." 

Example 6:  "That's great!  I can really see it in your waist and stomach." (this was at 7 weeks). 

I could go on and on. 

Maybe I'm overreacting, but frankly I'm sad that this is how women are reacting to me.  Instead of being encouraging or supportive during this exciting, but very scary time, I've been made to feel self-conscious about my appearance of all things.  I would also like to note that I haven't received one mean comment from a male yet.  Maybe they are thinking it, but at least they have the decency to keep it to themselves.  Men have actually asked me how I'm feeling more while women focus on how I'm looking.   

I just want to scream...sorry, but I'm nauseous, bloated, sore, tired and emotional.  Spanx just don't fit into my equation right now! 

Blog friends, I know I'm preaching to the choir, but is this how women are to each other?  Maybe my women's studies degree is making this into something bigger than it is, but I'm saddened.  And "rounder" evidently. 

Don't go feeling sorry for me though.  I say all of this with a chuckle.  I know right now, health is so much more important that my appearance.  We just came from another great doctor's visit so I can't complain one bit.  I just wanted to share some of the experiences that make me laugh and think and aren't often discussed. 

I hope you are having a wonderful week so far! 

Love,
Fat Chelsea

11 comments:

  1. This was one of the hardest things for me to deal with while pregnant. Not just the weight gain and body morphing but the constant filtering and emotion checking....is this how I legitimately feel or am I over reacting because of hormones?! Ugh.

    But regardless of all that...if women said that to you, shame on them. Totally not cool.

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    1. Thanks Laura! this will be hard for me to get used!

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  2. I don't get it either. I went through much the same thing, especially with my first daughter. It probably happened just as much with baby girl #2, but I was probably quicker to call them out on it. Most people probably have good intentions but should still seriously consider what's coming out of their mouths.

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    1. Hey Staci. Makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one. I think you are right that people have good intentions and don't realize what they are saying. Hopefully by talking about it, more women will learn.

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  3. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! What an amazing time in your life. I know this was written in stride, but don't let these women burst your bubble. My mouth literally dropped at some of those statements, but I must say, you will encounter much more unsolicited advice and comments. Some hilarious, some maddening, and some down right rude.

    My unsolicited advice: take it with a grain of salt. To keep up with the nature of multiple choice, this advice usually comes from
    a) jealousy,
    b) people who are miserable can't stand to see other people happy,
    c) scorned women, after all, catty comments are a scorned woman's best friend,
    d) or they are just plain idiots. ..Kind of like the woman who I saw at the pool about once a week during my last trimester who always asked what I was having, and when I said girl, she preceded to tell me EVERY TIME that she could tell by the shape of my belly that I was having a boy. And she ALWAYS gets it right. When SHE was pregnant (a million years ago) they told her that she was having a girl from (probably the first generation ultrasound) and it was a BOY, and that I should be prepared to have a boy because SHE knows, and I most certainly wasn't having a girl. I wanted to drown her (insert pregnancy, irrational hormones).

    Bottomline: YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL....YOU ARE CARRYING YOUR FIRST CHILD...YOU ARE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE A LOVE YOU NEVER KNEW. Ignore them all.

    xo

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    1. Thanks Meagan for the kind words and hilarious story! I would have wanted to go back and find that woman who swore you were having a boy just to show her she is not always right! Despite these silly occurances I'm so, so happy and excited of what's to come! Thanks again. Hope you are having a great week!

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  4. First of all, huge congrats as I am behind on blog reading. And second - wow?!? Is that REALLY their focus? No "you're going to be a great mom" or other comments? My childless self is shocked. I hate that they treated you that way but thanks for blogging about it so those of us who have never been there know what could be in store...

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    1. Thanks Lauren! Hopefully other people including you won't have to experience this. And don't get me wrong, I have received some very nice, supportive comments too. Just a little shocked at the amount of talk about how I look rather than more important things.

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  5. You are beautiful, amazing and I hope that no one ever makes you feel like you are not enough. You are perfect just the way you are and I will be praying that you are able to focus on the joy of adding to your wonderful family and all the fun things that go along with it! I am SO excited to see you next week!!!

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    1. Thanks Darcy! Can't wait to see you next week and hear more about Norway!

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  6. I want names, dates and times. Mother may need to make a few visits.

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