Monday, September 9, 2013

Coffee Talk: Guest Post + Giveaway!

Happy Monday everyone!  Hope you had a wonderful weekend.  Today we have a special guest post written by the most important lady in my life...my mom, Shelley.  She is discussing the "mommy wars" and how stay at home moms get compared to working moms.  We often make comments that end up putting the other choice down even when unintended.  I try to say that I "work outside the home" rather than saying I'm a working mom when asked since we all are working moms.  Anyway, enjoy the post from Shelley and please share your thoughts in the comments section!

Shelley also graciously donated a $25 Starbucks giftcard for a little giveaway today!  Who doesn't love a little Starbucks boost on a Monday for our coffee talk discussion?  Enter below at the end of the post.  The giveaway ends at 11:59pm on Friday, the 13th.. our favorite day since I was born on a Friday the 13th {it explains so much}.  Enjoy!

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A Personal Apology

I want to apologize for something that I have said for years about myself and the choice I made to leave the corporate workforce and stay home with my children.  Before you get all huffy, thinking I’m about to throw another punch in the “mommy wars,” you are mistaken. I still think the decision to work outside the home, vs staying home….and everything in between…is a very personal choice.  A choice that was hard fought for today’s women. I am grateful that I had a choice. Some don’t.

But I digress. The thing I cringe about every time I hear it said today or see it written on Facebook, and every time I remember saying it is this:  “I’m a full time Mom.”  This is usually in response to being asked “And what do you do?”  I get it, there is no easy answer.  It used to be my least favorite question to answer, along with “But don’t you get bored?” 

But now, having a grown daughter who has made a different decision than mine,  I can see clearly that all mothers, working or otherwise, are always FULL TIME MOMS.  Geography makes no difference.  Whether you are in an office miles away, or at home changing a diaper, you NEVER stop being a mom.  Just as it is not right to say “I am a working mom,” thereby implying that a woman who chooses to stay home is not working. I can testify strongly that this is not an accurate depiction. 

Chelsea {9 months pregnant} & Shelley
The truth is, whatever choice one makes, has consequences – good, bad, and everything in between. I loved staying at home with my children. But I paid a heavy price when I needed to earn a living. The regrets, the loss of respect….the unexpected consequences of any choice are not absent from this choice.  And of course, the stresses/guilt of mothers employed outside the home.  I won’t try to describe that since I did not experience it. But I do know that mothers who stay home also can feel guilty, wondering if they are setting the right example for their children. Certainly a case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

"Mimi" and Jack

So, there it is. My confession that I contributed to the war against women, by women. When are we going to stop? That’s an answer for another time.  For now, I salute ALL mothers, whose work, worry, anxiety NEVER stops….even when your children are grown.

 Shelley
 
 
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8 comments:

  1. LOVE this post today...as it is something that I desperately needed to hear. Been dealing with so much "mommy guilt" myself lately, and I am comforted by knowing that I am not the only one! Hope to meet your sweet mama in person one day!!

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  2. I don't have any judgement for moms, whether they do work or stay home. I know they all work hard! I would LOVE to stay home with my little one though.

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  3. I try to say "I work outside the house" too. I felt crazy when I went back to work after my 8 week maternity leave and Addy's dad stayed home with her. For a year! That was the best thing for our family at the time. That's all that matters.

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  4. The guilt is always there....I have done both!

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  5. I don't have any judgement against moms. I want to be a stay at home mom one day and I think people just need to realize its not for everyone.

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  6. Each family's situation is different. I definitely experience guilt and wish I could stay at home. Maybe one day though :)

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  7. I love the perspective of someone on the "other" side of the spectrum. I think the Mommy Wars get so heated from women who are in the thick of diaper changes, potty training and pre-school anxiety, that's it's nice to hear from someone removed from the situation.

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